If you think about the world from multiple perspectives how do you feel?
If you think about your life, past, present and future what emotions come up?
At this point, for me, it feels a lot like overwhelm.
Not the kind of overwhelm you feel right before a burn out.
Like please don't tell me, "Kodie.. you've got too much on your plate." Because trust me, in the past my plate had to become a platter and I filled that thing with all you can eat and handled my shit.
I can manage a full plate.
This kind of overwhelm is very... uneasy. Fearful almost. And I know I need to swallow my own pill and fill up on more personal development, I can feel that I've been missing that vital link.
(The kind of overwhelm you might get after reading this very unorganized blog, likely with a lot of grammatical errors.)
The world is spinning. (Not because I've had too much wine.) Every day there's more news. Bombings, attacks, deaths, shootings, riots.
I was sitting at lunch today with four other women in the break room and the older of us all asked, what are you each doing on your phone? The girl before me answered that she was reading the news about the bombing that happened yesterday at the Ariana Grande Concert.. I responded that I was looking through snap chat and Instagram.
The new's overwhelms me. Fills me with fear and negativity.
As many of you know, I moved down to Texas in pursuit of the love of my life who just finished his Masters at Baylor. I finished up my Bachelors in Exercise Science and Health in August here at the Waco-McLennon Public Health Department. So now what?
I greeted an older man, late 70's, as he walked into the Bakery a few months back. He asked the usual, "are you a student at Baylor, what brought you to Waco?" etc. (Side note, I've started telling people that yes, I am in fact a student at Baylor. It's an easier explanation than, "No I moved here for my boyfriend that I knew for 2 weeks before he moved to Texas.")
So anyway, I told him where I graduated from and that I finished my undergrad at the Health Department here in Waco. His response was, "You have a college degree and you work here?"
DAMN. What. A _________.
*Smile and wave* or *Bless and release*
I can't help but think about all my passions, desires, goals, etc and how I'm packaging cupcakes and cinnamon rolls on the daily.
So what about Online Fitness Coaching?
Sustaining me. Saving me.
Funny how people always jump to finances. Like, so you're online business must not be bringing in the dough if you have to work at the Bakery...
What if coaching is my passion though? What if I LOVE spending my free time helping people crush goals and mentoring young women in building their own business?
NO, Beachbody doesn't guarantee any level of success or revenue. The income you generate from coaching is entirely dependent on your efforts, skill etc.
The reality I faced after graduating with my Bachelors in Exercise Science and Health is.. what the actual fuck am I going to do with this degree? It's a stepping stone degree. WTF.
So grad school or stay at home mom? ahaha.
But really though... Tanner is that okay?
My whole life I've been independent. I've been a quiet observer with the skill to recognize a need and provide. While at the same time being a leader. An adventurist. Someone whose driven and rational. I've always imagined myself pursuing a career that I absolutely loved.
As a kid I looked at adults and told myself I'm never going to have to work a day in my life, because I'm going to love what I do. Why in the heck would I wake up every day to go to a job I hated. That's not living.
So here I am. With online coaching in one hand, filling my cup. But still feeling blindfolded with arms outstretched feeling around as I walk down a dark hallway.
"Where do you want to be at in your career when we have kids?"
Uhhhh, not packaging fucking cupcakes......
So what's the barrier? Is it ultimately me? My mind? My doubt and insecurities? Because I know what it takes. I know what I want. I work daily on my business.
This morning in our opening meeting at the Bakery our ice breaker question was, "If you could sit in the woods with anyone, dead or alive, and just talk for hours who would it be?"
I started thinking about all the self built entrepreneurs in the world. People who have lived through their 20's. Initially I thought about my great Grandfather, who I never had a chance to meet. His wife, Barbara (who I'm privileged to be named after), always gave me great advice. I feel like I asked her the questions most people regret not asking before their loved one's pass away. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about her last words is "Oh kid, there's going to be plenty of Oreo cookies in heaven." Then comes all the stories about how hard she worked, how she walked up hill 10 miles (yah right) to school, in the snow, (you know the story).
Regardless, I just want to make her proud and work hard.
But at the end of our lives, at the end of any aged human beings life, the number one regret always has something to do with not finding something to be passionate about. I read once that a man on his last days of life recapped his life and career as a successful business owner of multiple car lots. He provided for his family, was well known in his town, had a great reputation, and yet he regretted never finding a way to make money doing something he was truly passionate about.
So to what end do you go chasing a passion? What if you have more than one? How many years and how much money do you spend chasing your passion? Do you work a shitty job in the mean time?
The answer I shared out loud to the morning ice breaker question was, John C Maxwell. He's a Christian Author who, is also a normal human being, is self built, super successful and very reputable. All I want to do is sit down next to this man and ask him, "What advice would you give yourself if you could sit down next to 23 year old you?"
I know 100% I would be inspired.
I should email him.....
My job at the Bakery isn't shitty. I didn't mean to imply that. Do I get up each day gung-ho and ready to package some cupcakes and greet 1000's of people who expect to meet Chip and Jo?
Absolutely freakin' not.
Do I still make the most out of my day, feel blessed and happy to have a job with such wonderful co-workers? Yes! Do I come home and fill my cup with working my own business and passion? Yes, Yes.
Do I wake up each day ready to run in pursuit of my goals and aim to glorify God in the process.
So what's standing in my way.? Why is there a barrier? Why do I feel uneasy and fearful?
On the surface it looks like I have my shit figured out...
(Social media isn't always honest. Believe it or not)
I'm here to be transparent with you.
I don't want to end up with no career, a stepping stone degree, working for an hourly wage, and regret not GOING FOR IT.
I'm sick of making excuses about making it one step forward and two steps back.
I know what I need to do. I know what I want. So what's gotta give?
Women younger than me are making 100k+ working the same business I'm working. Helping people crush their fitness goals and their HANDING ME, on a SILVER fucking platter, everything they did to get there. There are no secrets to this business.
Not everyone succeeds because not everyone can get over their damn selves, tell their inner mean girl to shut the eff up and sit down.
Are you constantly thinking about your dreams?
What do you do each do to go for it?
Better yet, what advice would you give to 23 year old you?